Tess Explains It All

“Alright here I am! By myself, but here for kickboxing because I need to lose weight. Okay good. The class is pretty full. No one will be paying any attention to me. Here we go! We’re starting! Oh gosh instructor is going off about how she’s been sick. Great, now I’m going to get that flu everyone is worried about. And we’re jabbing, and we’re punching, and we’re upper-cutting. This isnt so bad. Gosh I love this song playing right now! IT IS PUMPING ME UP!! My punches are going right along to the beat. I feel alive! This is just like dance class. I mean, you couldnt do this class if you didnt have rhythm that’s for sure. 

JAB JAB PUNCH PUNCH. Oh god now we’re kicking. Front and back. Front and back. Ooooooo Niki Minaj’s Starships just came on. Now THIS is a song I can kickbox to! This is the most fun I’ve had in a long time! I can totally do this. Even though I havent worked out in months, I’m totally keeping up!!

Oh crap. It’s only been 15 mins?? Feels like at least 45. Oh gosh now we’re dropping to the floor. Some crazy push up thing I can’t do because it’s too fast. We’re moving too fast! JAB JAB Punch DROP. JAB JAB Punch Drop. Well I look like a fool. Definitely dont think I’m doing that move right. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. My legs are moving, my arms are moving but not the same way the instructor’s are. Please god don’t let anyone be watching me. I am hot mess right now. I can’t breathe. It’s so hot in here!! The guy next to me is totally judging me because I cant keep up. He’s definitely gay though. I feel no sexual vibes coming from him at all. Good. Glad he’s gay. Judge away all you want boy! 

Okay now I’m really just hopping back and forth from foot to foot and punching my arms around. What is the instructor even doing? Are these even moves?? I feel like she’s all over the place. How in the world am I supposed to KNOW what she’s doing if I can only see the back of her body??! Oh crap. 5 more minutes of class left and she says we’re doing two finales. What the heck are two finales?? I’m dying. Literally dying. Sweat keeps dripping down my face! Can’t wipe it away fast enough to still hit the punches correctly. Oh! The whole class is cheering and clapping. We’re done! We’re done!! Good God I made it!! I survived!! That wasn’t so bad.

I can totally do that again next week….”