Tess Explains It All

This has been the hardest month of my life. And it wouldn’t feel right if I didn’t write and talk about it. I’m thinking about writing a daily journal of how this experience went from the moment it happened. But for now… I just want to write a bit of a recap on what had happened.
On July 14th my mom had a stroke. Before I go on, know that she is still alive and improving every day.
But on that day I received a phone call from my dad who said my mom wasn’t feeling good and had called an ambulance to come to the house. This was alarming but at the same time not too concerning because my parents go to the ER a lot for little things, so I wasn’t super freaked out by this news.
An hour or so had passed and I received another call from my dad in absolute hysterics. I could barely understand what he was saying through the tears. But I soon found out that my mom had had a stroke and she was not responsive.
It felt surreal. Sort of like an out-of-body experience from the moment I found out the news. I immediately told my boss, booked a flight home that night, and left work.
My boyfriend and I flew to Reno together that night around 10pm. I was so SO grateful that Will was willing to take a few days off from work and come with me. I wouldn’t have survived that first week without his love and support.
We arrived in Reno and had my dad drive us straight to the hospital. I walked into my mom’s room at ICU and she was completely out of it. But conscious! She was trying hard to talk but because of the stroke she couldn’t make out any words. And she didn’t really register that I was there. I stayed for a few hours with her, feeling helpless. I left around 2am and came back early the next morning.
When I arrived the next morning my mom was in a new ICU unit. Her eyes were closed and she was barely awake. I noticed the nurses had very concerned looks on their faces and withing 15 minutes of being there, a doctor came to speak with me. She told me my mom’s gag reflex wasn’t working because of the stroke and they feared she wouldn’t be able to breathe on her own soon. She explained to me that the stroke happened in the back of her brain, on the brain-stem, due to a blood clot. This one of the most serious places to have a stroke. She said the mortality rate after a stroke like this was 85%. 85%!!!!
She asked me if my mom had a will or anything in writing that spoke of her hospital wishes. I was like “What?? Umm… No I dont think she does.” Then the doctor asked me if my mom would want to be put on a breathing ventilator/life support if it were a life and death situation. I told her yes! And next thing I know, within minutes, they asked me to go into the visitor waiting room while they placed a breathing ventilator in her mouth/lungs.
I remember asking the doctor, “Is she going to die? Is this hopeless?” And she said “No. It is not hopeless. I would tell you if it was.”
I barely believed her in that moment. Her face had this look like she expected my mom to die. But thankfully I held on to that little hope the doctor gave me…and watched every day as my mom made small improvements for the better.

More

Hello everyone! So I just glanced at my blog real quick and soon realized all my posts have been about Taylor Swift lately. Oops! haha Sorry!!!

I’ve just (once again) had no time to write, and TSwift is all over my tumblr lately so I just reblog reblog reblog!

I just wanted to check in and say hello and promise some new life posts are coming soon!

Currently: going to a Dodgers/Giants game tonight with Will for his birthday. On Friday nights they have fireworks so that’s fun! Fingers crossed we a) dont get beat up because my bf will be wearing Giants gear and b) get on the kiss cam! Always a dream of mine…
Currently: very much in love with Will. He is my LIFE and I am just in total bliss! ❤
Currently: flying to San Jose early tomorrow morning to celebrate my bff’s 30th birthday
Currently: still overweight af but working out here and there. I swear I will be on more of an actual workout schedule soon. SWEAR! i just got back from a 7 day vacation and now that it’s over I can focus!
Currently: loving this LA weather. I think June Gloom may be over and summer is officially here!!!

I would just like to say I am so happy to be back at my old job. I can’t express how good it feels to be here again and just know what I’m doing. And it feels really good that I’m doing something that I’m great at!

I’m still very happy I made this decision to come back. It seems this firm has a lot of personal drama going on….but I don’t even care. I just show up, work hard, focus on my work, then head on home! 🙂

Happy weekend everyone!

Tonight I’m heading to San Diego to celebrate my best friend’s birthday. I’ll try to remember to take photos and post!

Happy Friday!!!
I recently bought this wall “art” for my desk at work. I just think it’s hilarious. Everyone knows what a cat lover I am and how much I love my cat Chanel.

This weekend should be pretty fun. Tonight Will and I are going to a restaurant we haven’t tried yet in West Hollywood. And after we are going to the Chinese theater in Hollywood to see Avengers!! Wooo opening night!
Tomorrow night I’m going out dancing with my two favorite gays and Sunday I’ll be running errands and buying more decor for our apartment.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone!

Oh hello there!! Guess whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat. I finally got our computer here at home set up so I am able to blog again. Yippeeeee!! And boy do I have a few things to discuss. I may actually do it in separate posts so this isnt one longggggg post. So first things first, because it’s the most recent life changing things I’ve done, I quit my job. Yes…yes I sure did. You may remember this post about 5 or so weeks ago where I talked about starting a new one?
Well, unfortunately it did not work out. I went into the position very excited. But as the days passed I just felt like maybe I wasnt super qualified. The projects they would give me I could do, but at the same time, I felt this nervous anxiety all day every day like I didnt really know what I was doing.

Everyone at this company was very friendly and nice, and I know it was too soon to tell, I just didnt feel at home there. I felt very alone. And when I pictured myself working there for a couple more months…years… I just didnt see myself happy there.
I would come home almost every night and cry to my boyfriend. I was in a dark place. Waking up and not enjoying and dreading where you have to go to work 5 days a week is the worst feeling. And it wasnt just a “I hate my job” feeling. It was a constant anxiety I was having about it. I could just not be happy.

So… I reached out to my old firm (the one I was at for 6 years and left 7 months ago) and I asked if they would take me back. And luckily within a few hours, they called me and said they would! And I could start as soon as Monday!

I have never been more thrilled!!!

If I’m being honest, I’m in a totally different frame of mind than I was a few years ago. My priorities have changed and I envision a somewhat different life for myself. I still have to figure out exactly what path I want to take career wise. But since I was doing the same type of work at this new job, I felt like why not go do the same work at a place where I feel like my coworkers are my family and I know what I’m doing?
It feels so right and I feel happy again.