Tomorrow is moving day!!! Yes…it’s true. I am moving again. I’ve lived in LA for almost 5 years and this will be my 5th apartment I’ve moved into. So that’s fun. haha Every place I move into I say to myself “This is it! I am settling here for a few years!” And of course that’s never the case.

I’m moving in with one of my friends who I’ve known since elementary school. It should be pretty exciting. The only part that isnt exciting is packing up. I have avoided my kitchen till the very last day. So that I will take on tonight. Not stressful at all. haha Wish me luck!

And I’ll let you know how settling into the new place goes. 🙂

The Quest For Romance – #tbt

“Why didn’t you write me?” Allie cried.

“I wrote you every day for a year. I wrote you 365 letters! It wasn’t over. It still isnt over!” Noah said as he grabbed Allie by the face and passionately kissed her as the rainfall poured down onto them.

It was one of the most romantic scenes from what I believe to be the most romantic movie of all time, The Notebook. The romance in The Notebook is clearly shown throughout the whole movie. A wonderful story that shows how true love never dies and no matter what, in the end, you’ll end up with your one true love. The author of this story, Nicolas Sparks is known for his many romantic novels. Three of them have been turned into motion pictures. How can one man write about such romantic, heart touching things, when it seems in the “real world” that kind of romance doesn’t really exist? It seems romance in movies is much stronger than the romance people get to experience in their own life.

Romantic movies are great. There’s always a happy ending, guy gets girl, girl gets guy, and there are always romantic gestures that happen throughout the movie that just makes you say “Awww.” Such as a guy showing up at the airport with flowers to confess his love before the girl flies away, or a guy asking a girl to dance with him in the street with no music playing but the music in their hearts. Why do people enjoy watching these types of movies when they know in the back of their mind this barely ever happens in reality?
       “Youre just bitter.” My best friend informed me. I had sat down to interview my good friend since she was the only close friend of mine that was married. I figured if she reached the point of marriage at the young age of 21, there must have been some sort of strong romance in her life. “Just because you havent experienced any true romance, you think no one else has. My husband happens to be very romantic.” I gave her a sideways glance, because I highly doubted her video game playing husband could be anywhere near as romantic as Noah from The Notebook.
      “Okay,” I answered, “what was the most romantic thing your husband and you have done?”


     She sat and thought for a few minutes. “I would have to say when we go on vacations together. Like one time we went to Six Flags, just the two of us. Or we went down to Santa Barbara a few months ago. That was romantic because sometimes the little things you share with your significant other, such as small conversations while on the road, or sharing a hotel room, can be very romantic.”
      I smiled and nodded but the whole time I was thinking, “That’s romance? That was the most romantic thing her and her husband have ever done?” From this example alone, it’s clear that romance in reality doesn’t even come close to how movies portray it. 
      As I thought about this comparison of romance in movies and in reality I began to question what the real definition of romance is and who really defines it? Going back to The Notebook, Nicolas Sparks finds romance to be a man building a house with his own two hands for his one true love, in hopes that it will bring her back to him. My friend finds romance to be a quick getaway for two. So which one is correct?
      This week I was lucky enough to meet the real life Hitch (David Coleman) and view one of his national award-winning speeches. His influence on the dating world was so respected that a movie was filmed about him starring Will Smith, titled Hitch. In his presentation Coleman defined romance as “performing an ordinary act of love or kindness at an unexpected time.” Once I heard this definition a past memory of romance triggered in my thoughts.
       It was just one regular morning in my senior year of high school. The school year was coming to an end, it was early June, the morning was bright and sunny, and the only thing on my mind was getting ready to graduate in just a few weeks. I had just started to date my long term crush and just the thought of him gave me butterflies in my stomach. I was in that beginning stage of a relationship where everything was just a giddy bliss. As I was showering, all of a sudden my mom swung open the door to the bathroom and yelled, “Tess! Hurry! Get out of the shower! You have to see your car!” I could tell by the tone of her voice that it was a good thing and not something I should be worried about. I quickly rinsed the last of my shampoo out and hopped out of the shower. As I bolted to the front door to get a look at my car I was completely stunned. There sat my car completely covered in red and pink rose petals and on the front window there was a card addressed to me. I opened the card excitedly to find it was from my boyfriend wishing me a happy one month anniversary. To this day, it is still the most romantic thing I have ever experienced. 

The gesture was “an act of kindness at an unexpected time” and according to Coleman that was true romance and I couldn’t have agreed more.

Still even though romance is apparent in the real world, when compared to movies, it barely comes close. According to a survey I wrote up and passed out to over 50 girls, not one girl had experienced anything super romantic. Most had received flowers from their boyfriends at one time, or gifts on special occasions. Some boyfriends had even made them a candlelit dinner. Not to say that they weren’t special and romantic to that person but most were pretty general gestures.
      Movies are really there for an escape from reality. In the end of The Notebook Allie is diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her old age and it’s her and Noah’s love story that brings her back to reality and helps her remember who she is. Whether that great of romance is evident in one’s personal life or not, love stories like these will always continue to take our breath away and touch our hearts.

college essay written by me Year: 2006
Grade: A+
 

Sometimes I worry about myself. I don’t think it can be emotionally good for a person to be single for as long as I have. There’s gotta be some long term damage that’s happening to me subconsciously that I don’t totally realize yet. 

How can I be surrounded by so many people that love me, yet not one guy on earth finds me loveable? I’m not saying this to be depressing or feel sorry for myself… honestly…I’m just saying this because I worry for myself. I worry that I will never find what I’m looking for and I’m going to somehow be emotionally f*cked up. Can a person be this alone and independent for this long and still come out okay? 

I’m losing myself. It’s a daily battle of caring too much then forcing myself to be grateful and happy and not care at all. 

Cheers to my birthday today!!

Happy to be another year older. I always try my best to be strong, positive and hopeful.

And today I will do my best to put on a happy face. 

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MY INNER MONOLOGUE WHILE AT KICKBOXING CLASS TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS

“Alright here I am! By myself, but here for kickboxing because I need to lose weight. Okay good. The class is pretty full. No one will be paying any attention to me. Here we go! We’re starting! Oh gosh instructor is going off about how she’s been sick. Great, now I’m going to get that flu everyone is worried about. And we’re jabbing, and we’re punching, and we’re upper-cutting. This isnt so bad. Gosh I love this song playing right now! IT IS PUMPING ME UP!! My punches are going right along to the beat. I feel alive! This is just like dance class. I mean, you couldnt do this class if you didnt have rhythm that’s for sure. 

JAB JAB PUNCH PUNCH. Oh god now we’re kicking. Front and back. Front and back. Ooooooo Niki Minaj’s Starships just came on. Now THIS is a song I can kickbox to! This is the most fun I’ve had in a long time! I can totally do this. Even though I havent worked out in months, I’m totally keeping up!!

Oh crap. It’s only been 15 mins?? Feels like at least 45. Oh gosh now we’re dropping to the floor. Some crazy push up thing I can’t do because it’s too fast. We’re moving too fast! JAB JAB Punch DROP. JAB JAB Punch Drop. Well I look like a fool. Definitely dont think I’m doing that move right. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. My legs are moving, my arms are moving but not the same way the instructor’s are. Please god don’t let anyone be watching me. I am hot mess right now. I can’t breathe. It’s so hot in here!! The guy next to me is totally judging me because I cant keep up. He’s definitely gay though. I feel no sexual vibes coming from him at all. Good. Glad he’s gay. Judge away all you want boy! 

Okay now I’m really just hopping back and forth from foot to foot and punching my arms around. What is the instructor even doing? Are these even moves?? I feel like she’s all over the place. How in the world am I supposed to KNOW what she’s doing if I can only see the back of her body??! Oh crap. 5 more minutes of class left and she says we’re doing two finales. What the heck are two finales?? I’m dying. Literally dying. Sweat keeps dripping down my face! Can’t wipe it away fast enough to still hit the punches correctly. Oh! The whole class is cheering and clapping. We’re done! We’re done!! Good God I made it!! I survived!! That wasn’t so bad.

I can totally do that again next week….”

MY INNER MONOLOGUE WHILE AT KICKBOXING CLASS TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MONTHS

“Alright here I am! By myself, but here for kickboxing because I need to lose weight. Okay good. The class is pretty full. No one will be paying any attention to me. Here we go! We’re starting! Oh gosh instructor is going off about how she’s been sick. Great, now I’m going to get that flu everyone is worried about. And we’re jabbing, and we’re punching, and we’re upper-cutting. This isnt so bad. Gosh I love this song playing right now! IT IS PUMPING ME UP!! My punches are going right along to the beat. I feel alive! This is just like dance class. I mean, you couldnt do this class if you didnt have rhythm that’s for sure. 

JAB JAB PUNCH PUNCH. Oh god now we’re kicking. Front and back. Front and back. Ooooooo Niki Minaj’s Starships just came on. Now THIS is a song I can kickbox to! This is the most fun I’ve had in a long time! I can totally do this. Even though I havent worked out in months, I’m totally keeping up!!

Oh crap. It’s only been 15 mins?? Feels like at least 45. Oh gosh now we’re dropping to the floor. Some crazy push up thing I can’t do because it’s too fast. We’re moving too fast! JAB JAB Punch DROP. JAB JAB Punch Drop. Well I look like a fool. Definitely dont think I’m doing that move right. I don’t even know what’s happening anymore. My legs are moving, my arms are moving but not the same way the instructor’s are. Please god don’t let anyone be watching me. I am hot mess right now. I can’t breathe. It’s so hot in here!! The guy next to me is totally judging me because I cant keep up. He’s definitely gay though. I feel no sexual vibes coming from him at all. Good. Glad he’s gay. Judge away all you want boy! 

Okay now I’m really just hopping back and forth from foot to foot and punching my arms around. What is the instructor even doing? Are these even moves?? I feel like she’s all over the place. How in the world am I supposed to KNOW what she’s doing if I can only see the back of her body??! Oh crap. 5 more minutes of class left and she says we’re doing two finales. What the heck are two finales?? I’m dying. Literally dying. Sweat keeps dripping down my face! Can’t wipe it away fast enough to still hit the punches correctly. Oh! The whole class is cheering and clapping. We’re done! We’re done!! Good God I made it!! I survived!! That wasn’t so bad.

I can totally do that again next week….”

So i got a gym membership last night at 24 Hour Fitness and I’m excited to go work out after work.

I have completely let myself go this holiday season and I’m ready to start getting more active and lose about 20lbs. Well..that’s my goal. I’d be happy with 15lbs.

I’m hoping I just magically turn into one of those gym rats that just loves going to the gym. And goes almost every day. Yup..that’ll be me. And I’ll have a hot body by this summer and before my high school 10 year reunion.

Holla!

Another daily work convo with my single bestie.

Me: What if we just went on a date with every single guy that hit us up on okcupid?
Bestie: We’d be on a hundred dates by now. And probably dead from a creeper.”

Of course I’ll be by my phone ALL night and not one single text message will come in. And then as soon as I lay in bed to blog, and my phone is out in the living room charging… I’m not kidding… I probably just had 10 text messages ding. 

But I refuse to get up and go look at them during my me/blogging time.

So it’s been a month now that the boy I was dating left me and moved across the country. And it would be easy for the single girl in me to be like “oh it was so tragic! Worst month of my life! I was SO depressed!”

But guess whaaaaaat. That isn’t the case at all! I never really thought it would be but you know, when you’re single, and you have any moment of something real, feelings can be more escalated than necessary. But luckily I got through the first month and only had 2 mini breakdowns over it. 

Him and I still talk almost every day…but I don’t feel butterflies fly through my stomach when I hear from him or anything. And that of course that is because he is ALL the way in NY and I will never see him again. Well maybe..but not in the way that will ever affect my future. There are moments where I’ll be driving and out of nowhere I’ll catch myself thinking of him, and this pit forms in my stomach because I do miss him. But I have to remind myself to just smile at those memories and move on.  

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