Tess Explains It All

This last Friday night I went with my good friend Shayda to an amateur MMA fight here in Los Angeles. I’m a huge fan of UFC and cage fighting for one reason and one reason only…the fighters are my type of guys. I love their muscles, their shaved heads and their tattoos. It is like bro paradise at one of these events.

Shayda was the photographer for the event so she got to stand up on this high pedestal attached to the cage. Since she had hooked me up with a ticket…I was there with her, but by myself. I sat right below her, in the front row with my jameson and 7-up and was super excited to see these fights so close up. 

About 5 fights in (there were 13 total) the place really started to fill up. I went from sitting alone in the front row…to sitting next to a bunch of older men right next to me. Luckily, they were friendly and we got to talking a bit and joked about the different fighters. Soon after, one of the men came up to me and kneeled down beside me and said “You’re in my seat. But don’t worry, I’ll let you stay there.” In which I responded, “Are you sure? I’m sorry. I can move. It’s totally fine.” and he goes “No no, it’s fine…dont worry about it.” Apparently he was the brother of the president of the company throwing the fight so he was all over the place anyway. Walking around and saying hi to all the different people he knew. So he got up and kept walking around.

Well, about 15 minutes later one of the fights got really intense and next thing I know he comes back up to me and says “Here, I gotta see this. Sit on my lap.” Now…most girls would have probably been like “No no…sit down, I’ll go find another seat.” But nope, not me. I proceeded to sit on this guy’s lap. Most. Awkward. Moment. Ever. I just didn’t want to miss the fight by walking around and trying to find a new seat since the place was so packed, and I felt like I had bonded with these guys well enough so no big deal. 

About 3 minutes after I was sitting there next thing I know Miss “My hair is bleach blonde and colored brown on the bottom layer, I’m wearing a tube top with the back cut up so you can see all my back tattoos” comes walking up to me. If you know what white trash girls from Huntington Beach look like…this was her. My mind automatically started to panic and my first thought was “Shit, this is his wife.” Here’s how the conversation went:

Girl “Hi. What’s YOUR name??”

Me: “Hi! I’m Tess” (big smile and shake this girl’s hand)

Girl: “Oh hi Tess. Are you having fun??”

Me: “Um…yes. Great fight.”

Guy’s lap I’m sitting on: “Tess, this is my daughter.”

Girl: “Uh huh…SO, how long have you known Mark?”

Me: *awkward laugh* “Oh um..ya we just met. Oh look, my drink is empty, I better get a new one…” 

This is where I proceed to jump off this guy’s lap and run out of the convention room and straight to the bar. I didn’t even look back. I was all by myself and the last thing I needed was to get my ass beat by some trashy girl. I ordered myself a beer, snuck back into the convention room and sat 4 rows back next to some random 14 year old kid and a father with his 5 year old son. Shayda looked back at me eventually with a questioning look on why I had moved and I just shook my head and laughed and told her I would fill her in later. That daughter had attitude and an agenda and I did not to fill it.

Just another night of being a single girl. 😉