Monday Flowers <3

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Monday morning I was greeted with these beautiful flowers at the office! The nice man from our reception desk brought them to me and I can’t even tell you what a happy and exciting feeling it is to receive flowers when you least expect it!

Giddy with excitement I opened the card and the message read, “Hope you have an amazing week. I love you. – Will “

Flowers from the boyfriend just to make the Monday a little brighter and start the week off on a happy note.

Salt & Straw Date

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Helllooooo everyone! I hope everyone had a happy Halloween weekend! It’s November 3rd! Can you believe it?? November freaking third! We are officially in Fall and holidays are just around the corner. How exciting!!

The picture above is from this cute spot in LA called Salt & Straw. I took my boyfriend there on Saturday because his favorite food EVER is ice cream and I’ve heard great things about this place. Let’s just say..it was heaven!!! You can tell when ice cream is good quality. And this place has so many unique flavors, all handmade.

We also saw this beautiful woman walk in and I just knew right away she was an actress/model of some sort. Will agreed…but couldn’t place what she was in. Luckily my 6th sense kicked in and my ability to spot and figure out any celeb I run into whether they are A list or D list, and I realized after a few glances that it was Ali Landy. This may be his first celeb spotting in LA so that was exciting for him. haha

I had a great Halloween dressing up as Mario and Luigi with the bf and we went party bus/bar hopping Friday night. I may or may not have picked a fight with one of the girls in our group, but that’s another story for another time. Sometimes when I get drunk… I think I’m really badass. And let’s be real. I’m all bark, no bite. This time it got me pushed sooooo that’s fun. lol

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I’m in Love!!!!

Gah! Who in a million years would have thought I’d be in love by September??? I mean… it all happened so fast but I’ve never felt more happy or more confident in a relationship in my life.

Every time he tells me he loves me… my heart skips a beat. Whether he says it in person, over the phone, or just through a text, it’s just the most amazing feeling in the world. Sometimes I just stare at the words when he writes it and I think “is this really happening to me?”

I was in Vegas last weekend visiting him and I knew I wanted to tell him that I love him. And I wanted to be the first one to say it. From day one he has always been so open with his emotions and his feelings for me and I’ve been more closed off. I’ve discovered in this new relationship that I’m not the best at putting words together to describe how I’m feeling.
I knew I was in love with him 2 weeks before I actually said it. But I wanted to wait to tell him until I could say it in person. We were lying in bed and I turned to him and said “I’m not sure if there’s a perfect time or perfect way to say this. But I wanted to tell you as soon as I saw you, that I’m in love with you. I love you.” and he kissed me and said “I love you too.”

He told me he’s loved me for awhile but was waiting to tell me until we went to Disneyland together in a few weeks, so he could say it under the fireworks.
I’m dating a romantic one, I tell ya.
But I couldnt have waited that long. I needed to tell him right away 🙂

So that’s my love story….

It Only Takes A Moment…

Finally… I am finding the time to sit down and write down what has been going on in my life in just the last month or so.
It’s truly bizzarre how so much has changed SO quickly. And what’s even more crazy is how everything just sort of happened at once.
I’ve been blogging for about 4 years now… and I’ve written story after story of all the struggles I’ve faced trying to find my match. A person who I could click with, feel a mutual connection with and a person I could just find my special place in the world with.
And… it finally happened.

Good news, I have met and I am currently in a relationship with an amazing man!!

His name is Will… and surprising enough… I’ve known of him for years.
About 6 weeks ago I took a weekend vacation to Las Vegas with some of my closest girlfriends. The very first night we went out, one of my guy friends who I’ve known since high school heard I was in Vegas and sent me a text wanting to meet up. So he came out with his roommate, who just happened to be Will. And it’s so funny how it happened but for some reason the moment I saw Will, I was immediately drawn to him. I was giddy he was there and from that point on in the night, I just wanted to be around him.
He hung out with all of us for the rest of the night and knowing my skills, he probably had no idea I was even interested. But something lined up for us…because he ended up reaching out to me the next day and spent the rest of the weekend hanging out. By Sunday, I had realized more and more, in just that short of time, that he was an even better guy than I had guessed. Luckily, even after I had left Las Vegas he continued to text me. And we began talking all day every day for the next 2 weeks.

I took a spur of the moment trip to Vegas to see him and the weekend went perfectly and I realized “I really like this guy!” 5 weeks after we “met” and I was visiting him for the 2nd time in Vegas, he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was fast but it just felt right!

I walked around for years and YEARS never knowing if I’d ever find a partner. And though I never gave up hope, I did get very depressed about it.
And now just like THAT, I have this amazing guy in my life. He has the kindest heart, he’s funny, he’s outgoing and he likes me just for me. Which probably sounds SO cliche…but I can’t even describe to you how hard of a concept it is for me to grasp that this guy really just likes me.

He makes me happy and smile every single day, multiple times a day.
He’s flying in tomorrow evening to stay with me for 4 days. And I cannot wati!! He’s going to meet all my friends in LA and I’m just excited to spend more time with him.

I also start a new job Monday!! Which I will discuss in a different post.

Yay new boy!

I’m talking to a new boy!!! And it’s that fun beginning stage where you’re so giddy and hopeful.
He lives in Las Vegas…and I live in LA. I mean of COURSE. Heaven forbid I ever find a guy to date that lives in same city as me. :-/

I went to visit him this last weekend in Vegas. It was a very last minute, spontaneous trip. And as I was driving there Friday night I felt a little crazy… like omg…am I really driving by myself 4 hours right now to Las Vegas to see a boy I’ve only been talking to for like… 3 weeks?!? But then I also thought to myself… this is the kind of shit you do in your life that you look back on and never really regret. I mean dont get me wrong..it could have gone horribly wrong but luckily it didnt. I will always be able to look back and say “remember that time I took a spontaneous trip to Vegas to hang out with this boy I liked? Oh the fun single days…” haha!

The weekend was absolutely perfect. We got along so well. He was fun and so sweet. I got to go out and party and meet some of his friends and all of them were SO nice. There were a few cute moments we shared over the weekend but my fav was when out of the blue Saturday night he just said to me “I just want you to know I like you a lot.” I dont think I’ve had a boy say those actual words to me in…years…

It’s funny because of course as I’m enjoying my weekend with new guy, I hear from Ryan asking to hang out. I just totally ignored him this time. No reply.

But ya! I’m excited to see if this goes anywhere. I’m hopeful (I should seriously tattoo the word hopeful to my body) it will turn into something more… but if not…it’s just really nice in the moment.

I Think I’m Over It

You are never going to believe this. This weekend I went to the Beyonce and Jay Z concert at the Rosebowl in LA (more on this to come).
I went with a couple girlfriends and the way they have it setup is that you can park there on the golf course and tailgate for a few hours before the concert starts.
As we were walking towards the stadium out of NOWHERE I saw Ryan standing there by his car. I mean out of 60,000 people how in the world was I going to run into him?!?! Just insane…

I noticed right away that he was there with a girl. And it just so happens as we walked by, this girl he was with immediately complimented our outfits. And with that…Ryan spotted me. We looked at each other at the same time and he shouted “Tess!”

I acted like I was surprised to see him. Even though I had spotted him first 10 seconds before. haha So my friends and I walked over to him and the FIRST thing out of his mouth was “Hi! This is my friend I’m here with. Not my girlfriend. Just want to say that right off the bat.” and I was like Okaaaaay. Then he told me that he had JUST been talking about me to her.

My friends started chatting with his girl space friend while Ryan and I were off to the side chatting. He told me I looked good. And I replied, “I know right? Your loss. You fucked up, idiot.”

Just kidding I didnt say that.

We talked for like 5 more minutes about random stuff. And that was it.

I walked away from that moment feeling super weirded out that I saw him, happy that I saw him when I did look good, and also realizing out of all the emotions I was going through, that not one of them was giddiness or butterflies.

So with that… I realized I’m over it. I havent seen him face to face in over 2 months and being around him again I felt uncomfortable and uneasy. Not because of the situation…but it just reminded me how he makes me feel.

It was silly of me to be on such a high after dating him for just a month… but I was seriously on a HIGH with him at first. I thought I had finally found the one…that finally someone liked me for me and it was going to be perfect and fast moving. And when he stopped everything between us for no reason, I came crashing down hard from that high. And it hurt.

Now I feel like I will never be able to see him in that same light again like I before.

He was texting me that night and the next morning. Saying it was really nice to see me. And he told me that his girl space friend thought I was cute. And I replied “haha oh really? yay”

Well he didnt like that very much because I havent heard from him since. But I’m just really not in the mood to talk to him or entertain his texts. I’m over it.

Come Back, Be Here

The guy I dated and moved to New York almost 2 years ago still talks to me every now and then. We’ve remained pretty friendly. Today on my Timehop app one of the notifications was that exactly 2 years ago I went and saw the play War Horse. And it made me think of him because that was our first date.

I wrote him and told me “two years ago was our first date!” and he replied “the play?”

Awww he remembered.

I do miss him. Things were easy with him. He was just a good guy who was always up for anything. There was no drama…no issues…he really just enjoyed hanging out with me. He never told me I was too quiet. Or didnt talk enough or made me feel uncomfortable. I could just be me. And he was fine with that. And it didnt hurt he was super good looking too.

But of course he moved across the country…so what can you do?

Um…

Exactly one month later (to the date!) Apartment/Guy I Met At The Gym texted that he has a “genuine interest in having a friendship” with me. 

I seriously have no idea how I want to play this. We can’t really be friends. I don’t want to JUST be friends with him. Like do we watch the latest episode of Girls together and then we tell each other all about the latest Tinder dates we’ve been on??

Like… I just can’t.

But obviously there’s a part of me that wants to try the “friend” thing out in hopes that a) he realizes how awesome I am and falls for me and we start dating again b) he realizes how awesome I am and falls for me and I realize how lame he is and kick him to the curb leaving him feeling heart broken 

But there’s that fear that it’s going to end with c) we’re friends and he finds a girl he wants to start dating seriously, kicks me to the curb and I’m standing there like ‘fall for this shit twice shame on me’!

Gah!! 

So Lost

Well my last post is kind of depressing since the dumb boy and I didnt end up working out. I guess that’s what you get for posting blogs one month after they happen. You have to read how excited and happy you were even though in the present it’s ALL over. (I thought by not posting in the present would help to not jinx the relationship, but I’ve learned even that doesn’t help)
Home-boy ended up acting distant after the first 2 weeks of bliss. It was just downhill from there. I stopped hearing from him every day. Days went by without actually seeing him. And he’d go a whole night without texting me back. It was just bad bad bad. And I was literally left standing there in an empty field with a ‘what the fuck’ look on my face…
Well that’s what it felt like.
Finally after like 2 weeks of not knowing what was going on…he reached out to me and I got my closure via text. Long story short, he said he got scared when we got serious and ran away. And that he liked me but felt we didn’t have the right chemistry.
Which is TOTAL bullshit and makes me hate him even more. He was the one that moved fast from the beginning and made me feel like we had great chemistry and that we were on the same page. And he just took it all away for no reason. I mean I could write a novel about this whole situation but I’ll spare you.

But I must say, after that conversation, I’ve felt decently strong about moving forward and forgetting him. He lives in my apartment complex but by some miracle I haven’t bumped into him. So that’s good!

Complete 180 On Me

So the boy wants to “take things slow”
This is after 2 weeks of hanging out almost every day. Him bringing me flowers on our first date and saying things to me like “So I read this article in a magazine that said couples should tell each other every day two accomplishments they had in a day and one realization.” As I sat there thinking “Ummm, we are doing things that a magazine suggested couples do?? Okayyyyy…”

But no…NOW he wants to take things slow. I’ve gotten advice and opinions from like a million different people. And at this point it could go so many ways. He’s either completely over me and just letting me down gently by not texting me ever and not making plans to hang out ever and telling me he wants to take things slow. Or he’s a typical guy who got freaked out when things got serious too fast so now he’s backing off and figuring out his feelings. Or he’s dating some other girl at the same time and thinks he cant commit to me because he’s also dating her so he needs time to date both of us. Grrrrr….
Meanwhile I’m left sitting here feeling SO confused because his actions did a complete 180 from how it all started.

I may never know what the real reason is. But I’m just giving him space and will continue distracting myself and doing my own thing… and just see what happens. If it’s over… fine. I’ll move on AGAIN. But if he just needs time then I can do that too.

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