I had THE best first date today. Like one of those first dates that make you smile when you think about it later. 🙂

That awkward moment….

your chatting with your bestie about the guy she’s been on two super awesome dates with. And a light bulb goes off in your head and you think “Wait! I also met a guy online named James that I went on a date with a few months back.”

And you compare phone numbers and yup…turns out she’s going on dates with the SAME guy you went on a date with!! I mean…it’s not like Los Angeles is that small. How can that even happen? Funniest situation ever! Luckily it wasnt at the same time or anything and we’re both totally fine with it. 

It Hit Me He’s Gone…

My first weekend not having him around me and I’m not going to lie… it was difficult. I didnt even realize it at first. Going about my Saturday with my friends, having a good time. But something just felt off. I couldnt figure it out, wasnt sure why I didn’t feel like myself.

And then around 9pm I realized… I was missing him. As tears streamed down my face I realized I was sad and I was back to being alone and single. To be close with someone for months, then in one second for them to be gone, out of your life and across the country is difficult. No one should have to go through that. It wasn’t fair for him to be that close to me and then just leave the way he did. I knew it was coming… but the emptiness I wasn’t expecting. 

I’ll be fine… I’m not worried. My mom told me to focus on the bad parts about him and stop only thinking of the good and she is absolutely right. So I’m going to try my best to do that… and move on. 

How I Feel…

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Story of my life right now…

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The only good thing to come out of Hurricane Sandy…

is that the boy I’ve been dating now has to move to New York 2 days later than he had scheduled.

muhahaha 

Tonight I walked to my door w a smile on my face.

It was a good night.

You Deserve Love

“You deserve love. Not just any kind of love but, like big “I think I’m going to puke if you touch me (in a good way) and regress into a 16-year-old psycho if you don’t text me back” kind of love. You deserve to feel like a sexual being and have someone around who wants to see you naked all the time and doesn’t mind that you have cellulite or that your stomach has terrifying pockets of fat because bodies are flawed and you better deal with it, bitch. You deserve to be proven wrong, to be brought back to life by someone’s kindness at a time when you thought that no one would ever love you again. The song does not remain the same. Lo and behold, the person you like actually wants to date you and now you know that you’re not the hideous monster you thought you were. Your faith has been restored. You’re lovable. You have the relationship to prove it.

You deserve to have high highs again, even if that means experiencing the occasional low. You forget the euphoria you often feel when you fall in love. You know on a certain level that it feels amazing but you forget the specifics. Like, how your life immediately becomes a stupid Taylor Swift song and your heart does somersaults over something as simple as a sweet text message or phone call. Every ounce of maturity and pride you’ve carefully cultivated over the years disappears and suddenly you’re just another person who’s fallen in love and is acting like a smitten teenager. It’s totally embarrassing but you’re too happy to care.

You deserve to do annoying couple-y things like making each other mixes, walking down the street hand-in-hand, making out in bars, and posting stupid pictures of the two of you on Facebook. Yes, everyone will hate you but, screw it, you’re in love! You’re owed this experience. You’ve never been that annoying person in a relationship, or at least you haven’t in awhile, so why not just go for it and let everyone know you’re in love?”

Source: Ryan O’Connell of Thought Catalog

“Your internet presence will suffer but who needs validation from the internet when you have a real life person giving you a scalp massage before bed every night? You deserve compassion, understanding, oral sex, long, lingering make out sessions, and spooning. You deserve to feel safe and spoken for. Most importantly, you deserve passion. Big, messy, disgusting, and beautiful passion. Having that means you’re living and loving with a capital L. You’ve unlocked the secret. You get it now. You only live once so why don’t you love a lot? Time is too precious to sit around and deny yourself this kind of romantic fulfillment. When you think of all the time you’ve wasted closing yourself off from human connection, doesn’t it make your heart sick? We were built to love. Go do your job, dammit.”

If Life Were A Movie

He would have called by now.
He would have shown up at your door with flowers and apologized.
He would be throwing pebbles at your window.
He would have wrapped his arms around you while you cried into his shoulder.

But life is not a movie… 

My heart is completely broken. Haven’t cried this hard in a long time.

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