Tess Explains It All

There comes a time in everyone’s lives when they need to give their bffs some helpful dating advice. I probably shouldn’t be giving any advice because I’m not known for my dating skills and smart decisions…but I still put my two cents in when asked.

One of of my good friends had been telling me about this guy that was consistently trying to take her out. She texted me a photo of him and said, “This guy keeps offering to fly me somewhere…he’s a pilot.” I took one look at the picture, decided he was a 8.5 easy, and told her she should go! But then she informed me she got the “player” vibe from him and she could see on his Facebook that he whisked a lot of girls away on these trips and she didn’t want to be just another travel companion. Okay, I couldn’t blame her. Makes sense. But the way I looked at it was: “You’re single, dating, might as well date a guy who can take you to Hawaii for free. And if he does end up a player and breaks your heart, hey, at least you got to go on amazing vacays. You’ll probably end up getting your heart broken anyway, might as well be from a guy you can gain some frequent flyer miles from.” Am I right, or am I right? Well…she thought I was right and told him she’d be interested to go on a trip with him.

Within 5 minutes of telling her my advice and her agreeing to give him a chance I hear my g-chat new message ding:

Friend: Um, he just asked me to send him a bikini picture.
Me: Noooo he did not. Oh eff. Game over. He’s a loser. Goodbye.
Friend: I know right? Ugg. How annoying. And I was really going to give him a chance.
Me: I just spent a good 10 minutes rooting for this guy and convincing you to give him a shot and he had to go and ruin it with the bikini question.

Guys, as soon as you start asking for pictures from a girl, girls immediately put you in the “creeper” category or the “he’s a perv and nowhere near ready to be taken seriously” category. Both categories will not get you a date or laid or whatever it is you are trying to gain from the girl.

The conversation between them just got worse from that point. He proceeded to tell her he invented “honeymoon blind dating” which is what he called asking random girls to go away with him somewhere tropical, and then informed her he has standards and the last girl he took somewhere “was getting her PHD in psychology.”

Riiiiiiight. Fair enough to say, he blew it and she won’t be going on a honeymoon blind date anytime soon. Some men just never fail to surprise us.