Bartender Swag

I’ve always had a thing for bartenders. Probably because I spend 90% of my time in bars. But when I think back to college, at least half the guys I dated, were bartenders. They’re just so easy to get along with. They serve you drinks, they flirt, they’re usually good looking… (Yes I know, this is all part of their job for tips but if you play your cards right you usually get free drinks AND a makeout or two).

Ever since I moved to LA I haven’t really bonded with a bartender the way I did back in Reno. 4 years…and no bartender love. That was until I met… John (name is changed, not his real name). It was love at first sight with John. I walked into that empty bar one Wednesday night and there he was… standing with his full sleeved tattooed arms, flat brimmed hat, 6’2 physic and gorgeous face. In my eyes… he was a ten. No doubt. 

That first night my friend convinced me to give him my number. I never do that so I didnt really know how to go about it. I grabbed a napkin from the bar and started to write him a note, “Dear John…” I started out. I’m not sure where I was going with that. Knowing me it would have been something like “Dear John. Nice meeting you tonight. Thanks for the shots. Heres my number. Let’s hang out.” Luckily my friend snatched the napkin from my hand and yelled “No! Dont write Dear John! Are you kidding me?!?!” She grabbed a new one and wrote “Call me maybe? Tess” and my phone number. 
I walked up to him as we were leaving and handed him the napkin. He read it in front of me and seemed amused. And I left that night with the hope of a future phone call from my ten. 
Flash forward to 4 weeks later: Never a phone call. And this is a bar I visit at least once a week because I like to support my friend who DJs there. So every week I’d see him, every week he’d be nice to me, and every week no phone call. I honestly wasnt that shocked. I’m not the type of girl that gives her number out on a napkin and gets a phone call back. So I didnt let it bother me. I just swooned over him secretly every time I casually ordered a vodka soda.

BUT THEN! Last week…we had a break through. As I was ordering a few rounds for my friends and I John said to me, “Tess. I want to talk to you.” He met me at the corner of the bar and said “I just want you to know, the reason I never called you was because I started dating someone seriously around the same time that you gave me your number. I didnt want you to hate me or think that I would be the type of guy that would just not call a girl. So I had to tell you that was my reason.”  

Who knew it was possible to have your heart sink and butterflies dance around in your stomach at the same time? I was sad he was taken but I was happy that he cared enough to tell me instead of just blowing me off. So now I have another beautiful friendship with a guy with a girlfriend. Go me. At least he hooks it up and I get a great discount on drinks. It wasn’t a total loss. 

Single Girl Story #12

Sometimes a decent looking bald guy writes you on okcupid and his message is so appealing that you want to agree to meet him for coffee. Where even the ice cubes are made of coffee. But then you worry cause he’s 38 and bald… But what if he’s funny and charming and none of that shallow stuff even matters? What’s a girl to do??


UPDATE: spoke to a friend, she read his message to me and saw his pics and votes no. Soo… Dilemma solved.

Serious question…

If a boy you are sort of dating, talks to you all day long and texts you … is it safe to assume that he’s into you?

Or could he just be lonely and likes the comfort of having someone to talk to throughout the day?

It’s a must click vvvv

My Friends Are Married

Link

Single Girl Story #11

There comes a time in every single girl’s life where she has to see her ex boyfriend with a new girl. It’s not fun, and it’s not enjoyable. The whole time as you stare at pictures of them together on facebook you judge them and think, “Is she cuter than me?” “Why do they look so happy?” “How come he’s moved on but I haven’t?”

This happened to me recently with a guy who I guess you could say I’ve never been committed to but the love has always been there. Living in different cities has always kept us from officially being together. But you know how every girl has that one perfect guy in their mind? That one guy that every new guy she dates she always find herself comparing the two? Well that’s who Kyle is to me. Kyle Kyle Kyle…. the boy I met junior year of college and it was instant connection. 6 years later and both still single, with almost no real relationships under our belts, we still talk all the time and stay interested in one another’s lives. We’ve “ended” things numerous times, fought, stopped speaking for months, but we always manage to end up back in contact. 

I recently saw on his instagram a photo of him and some new girl. I immediately stalked like any normal girl would and discovered that they were either together, or in the beginning stages of dating. Even though I have been out there dating as well and Kyle and I are nothing official…seeing him getting serious with a new girl is not a fun thought. I texted my bestie to discuss and like any true friend would, she said to me,

“That may be his new girlfriend, but you are his wife.”

And just like that…. the world was on balance again.

Okay I know, I know. It sounds a tad creepy but don’t take me too seriously or literally.
But really, who cares about this dumb fake-boobed beezy that’s recently entered his life. At the end of the day… she’s meaningless and him and I… well we have something far more special. 

That awkward moment….

you’re chatting with a guy you just met online on OkCupid and you soon discover he used to live in the SAME EXACT APARTMENT BUILDING AS YOU but moved out 2 months ago.

Like um….how random is that?! Such a small freaking world.

Honeymoon Blind Dating

There comes a time in everyone’s lives when they need to give their bffs some helpful dating advice. I probably shouldn’t be giving any advice because I’m not known for my dating skills and smart decisions…but I still put my two cents in when asked.

One of of my good friends had been telling me about this guy that was consistently trying to take her out. She texted me a photo of him and said, “This guy keeps offering to fly me somewhere…he’s a pilot.” I took one look at the picture, decided he was a 8.5 easy, and told her she should go! But then she informed me she got the “player” vibe from him and she could see on his Facebook that he whisked a lot of girls away on these trips and she didn’t want to be just another travel companion. Okay, I couldn’t blame her. Makes sense. But the way I looked at it was: “You’re single, dating, might as well date a guy who can take you to Hawaii for free. And if he does end up a player and breaks your heart, hey, at least you got to go on amazing vacays. You’ll probably end up getting your heart broken anyway, might as well be from a guy you can gain some frequent flyer miles from.” Am I right, or am I right? Well…she thought I was right and told him she’d be interested to go on a trip with him.

Within 5 minutes of telling her my advice and her agreeing to give him a chance I hear my g-chat new message ding:


Friend: Um, he just asked me to send him a bikini picture.
Me: Noooo he did not. Oh eff. Game over. He’s a loser. Goodbye.
Friend: I know right? Ugg. How annoying. And I was really going to give him a chance.
Me: I just spent a good 10 minutes rooting for this guy and convincing you to give him a shot and he had to go and ruin it with the bikini question.

Guys, as soon as you start asking for pictures from a girl, girls immediately put you in the “creeper” category or the “he’s a perv and nowhere near ready to be taken seriously” category. Both categories will not get you a date or laid or whatever it is you are trying to gain from the girl.

The conversation between them just got worse from that point. He proceeded to tell her he invented “honeymoon blind dating” which is what he called asking random girls to go away with him somewhere tropical, and then informed her he has standards and the last girl he took somewhere “was getting her PHD in psychology.”

Riiiiiiight. Fair enough to say, he blew it and she won’t be going on a honeymoon blind date anytime soon. Some men just never fail to surprise us.

TLC’s  “Virgin Diaries” returned tonight and it was another amazing show. It’s probably one of my favorite shows on tv right now. (and that’s because it’s summer and nothing is on) But really…the show KILLS me.

On tonight’s episode we had Skippy – the 34 year old virgin t-shirt maker. I’m not sure which moment was better. When he went out with his mom and his mom was rocking a t-shirt that read “Wing Mom”, his date in his basement where he served pizza, brought in a random to play guitar and sing so him and his date could “dance” or the fact that he collects the lint out of his belly button and puts it in a jar. You can’t write this stuff folks. This is reality television at it’s finest.

They also brought back our favorite virgin couple (who are now married and sexually active) who had that infamous kiss for the whole world to see. Oh man… it was TERRIBLE. You can tell they have practiced and have definitely toned down the kissing to a more bearable state. But it’s still awkward to witness. I’m glad to see they are still together and still in love.

If you missed it, be sure to catch a re-run. I swear you will be highly amused.

Gallery

These two are STILL dating? Who knew?? Penn Badgley and Zoe Kravitz. Good good.

I just miss Gossip Girl. Can October 8th get here already??

source: justjared.com

Image

Good news ladies…

there’s a new pickup-line making the rounds and it’s showing up all over online dating. (Yes I’m on a dating site…judge away)

My best friend recently received the same message from two different guys online and sure enough, this morning I was greeted with the same one. Let me show you how creative guys can be:

After a rigorously brief overview of your profile I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind. Thanks for the wonderful memories…you will always have a special place in my heart.

your ex-hubby,

Bryan.

PS. You can keep the dog and I will take the house in Hawaii 🙂

Pause for reaction….

I don’t know how at the same time so many guys have heard of this little opening paragraph… but they’re all using it. They just switch up what they want to give the girl and what they want to keep. I’ve seen “You can keep the beach house in Florida, as long as I can have the dog and my DVDs back.” And one guy even said “you can keep the dragon, and I will keep the house on mars. 🙂 “

So that’s happening. FYI.

Previous Older Entries Next Newer Entries